Me, Reshma

"Aye hero,give me ten rupees,"I said clapping and tickled the young man lying on the top berth of the train. ""Chi...chi...go away," he reported. I went closer to him and started pulling his cheeks. There was pin-drop silence in the compartment as everybody looked scared. The boy handed over a ten-rupee note to me and pulled himself together again. As I left the compartment clapping and singing a popular number, I heard suppressed giggles.

My tears had dried up, not a drop fell from my eyes and I started tugging and nudging people in the next compartment. Dressed in an orange salwar-kameez with a wig tied to my hair and lots of low-quality make-up applied on my face, I chewed a paan, I was aware of the fact that as I moved from one boggie to another, I stood as a complete entertainment package for on-lookers. The saddest part was that the people who made me the butt of many of their jokes very well knew that I was not responsible for my present predicament. I was so because God made me thus. Sadhus, handicaps, children, old people..all collected a few coins playing on the emotional frequency of the people but when I spread my hands before people, all their sympathies evaporated and I was made to realize what I was.

As I moved to the next bogie, Tikli called out to me,"Reshma, ours is the next stop." "Oh! Yes..." Today we had to get down early as we had to attend a birth ceremony. A bigbusinessman had begotten a son after daughters, so he wanted us to come and bless his son. Needless to say, we would dance for the guests' pleasure and we would be given food and money in return.

That night, as we returned to our kholi for the first time in my twenty-seven year old life, I felt a terrible pain. I went to Lalita Devi, he leader of our group but my beloved 'Amma' and rested my head on her lap. She had brought me from South-India after my parents handed over to her since then she had been my mother, my friend, my beloved, my everyhing. "Amma, why did my parents leave me?", I asked wryly. "How many times will you ask this question?" She sounded irritated. "I want to know Amma, how could they abandon me for a fault I did not commit. I saw the parents of the child today at the ceremony, they loved him so much. Didn't my parents love me? Why do people laugh at me? Why can't we live like normal human beings? Why aren't we given jobs? Why do we to beg? Why can't we go to schools and colleges? Can't I love someone? I want to breathe freely Amma, I want to breathe freely."

My throat was choking and I couldn't speak any further. All I could feel was Amma's tears dropping on my face.